Friday, January 25, 2008

I'm just a boy in the world...

For months now, Thomas has been totally cool with being diabetic. He came home from the hospital calling himself diabetes boy, adapted to BG testing and shots in about one minute, and NEVER complains about diet, shots, being low - nothing. No matter how much Tom or I struggle, worry, and stress, Thomas just rolls with the punches. He truly is amazing.

Last Friday was Joslin - a marathon visit filled with nutrition, endo, and chats in the waiting room and at the lunch table with other "diabetic" families. The stress of trying to figure out what we are doing wrong (so much!!) and what might work best for TJ was a lot, and the carry over has lasted all week.

Maybe it was the book I had read TJ about diabetes, or all the talk about Camp Joslin, his terribly high numbers, his atrocious A-1C's, or maybe he is just as done as we are. Maybe it was the persistent and tiring low last night while friends were over. Or maybe it was tonight, watching all his friends and classmates eat popcorn and cookies at the PTO "family movie night" while he just sat and watched (I hadn't thought to bring the insulin - bad mommy!). But tonight, staring not one but two bed-time shots in the face, TJ announced that he "wished I never got diabetes."

And as if the stake wasn't already far enough in my heart, he followed it up with: "I just want to be a normal boy without a disease."

I wish he could see how much more he is than normal - how amazing, loving, smart, and insightful he has become. It's hard to see the good in diabetes much of the time, and I know he has always been the rock-star he is today, but sometimes I see how diabetes has shaped him, even in such a short amount of time, and that part I don't hate.